ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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