I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
