did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
