You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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