I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
