She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
