And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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