I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize