Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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