My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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