Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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