Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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