this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
