Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I currently don't understand fingers.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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