nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
