I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
