dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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