We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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