I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
