yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
