Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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