she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I am naked and annoyed.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
