dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
