Where did you get a picture of my penis
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
