I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
