I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize