why do cheetos always look like penises
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
