I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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