went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
