My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
