I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
