I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
