Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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