i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
