is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
