she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
