I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
