I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
