didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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