dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
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So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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