Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
