He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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