I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
