nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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