alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
