JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
