He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
