I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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