What did we do last night that was yellow?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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