we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
