1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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