we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Houston, we have a squirter
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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