My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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