I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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