Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
