Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
