dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize