What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We need a shit load of segways right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
