I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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