the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
