If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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