I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
