is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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