guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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