My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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