$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
