If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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