ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
