i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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