Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
