Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
