mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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