Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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